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Sunday, February 1, 2009

Death and scary stuff

Well I've finished my second draft of my novel that A&U might maybe may be interested in publishing, depending on how well the second draft turns out.
However, because the ending is so drastically different, it sort of feels like I have an extraneous character who I need to get rid of, to tighten the book. Plus there's a budding relationship which really doesn't add anything to the book, so I feel the need to pitch that out too. It DID add something in my first draft, because it was a catalyst for other things to happen, but now it's cute I guess, but it doesn't work.
I know I'd regret if I just said "It's fine even though it doesn't need that character, or that relationship" and handed in a subpar book, however, she gave me until February. Today is February. She didn't give me a date in February so I could legitimately hold onto it and rework it for a week or so. My summer job has finished so it's not like I don't have the time.
Hell, I know that's what I'm going to do but dear god editing is so confusing...and he's got some good lines too. Sigh. It must be done.

On to other things, my aunt, my Mum's sister died at midnight last night. It's been coming for some time, and my family trekked down to melbourne to see her on Thursday.
I haven't had a lot of experience with death. It's always happened in my life from afar. I hear someone has died, and again, I've been blessed so far and it's not a common occurence for me. I haven't seen them lying on their death bed. My aunt had a lot wrong with her, and it was so sad to see her in that state. She was nearly blind and quite deaf, with diabetes and her kidneys had just recently completely shut down. She was in and out of consciousness and when she did talk it was hard to understand what she wanted. She'd had a stroke a couple of years ago which made her mix up her words a lot. But seeing her like that...and hearing her say she was ready to die...
I like to think I have a pretty solid understanding of the way people think. Even when they don't agree with me, I can generally see how they came to their conclusion. But I don't understand that ready to die thing. How it must feel to give up on your life, and regardless of what comes next, you're ready to start it. Whether it's everything that comes next or nothing at all. I made me think. And it makes me sad.
I think I'm at LEAST taking today off writing.


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